To Break Your Teeth On Love {Fic}
Dec. 10th, 2024 06:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
abyssal_sylphFandom: OMORI
Rating: Teen
Warning(s): referenced staged-suicide, child neglect
Relationship(s): Kel & the rest of her living old friendgroup.
(additional) Tags: Kel POV, Hurt no Comfort, tons of resentment, grief/mouring, Sunny & Basil are forgiven but not really by Kel(? it's complicated), good-ending of OMORI, trans female Kel, angst.
Word Count: 960 words
Summery: It was days like this that Kel wished suffering had a point.
AO3 echo
Even though she herself said something contracting it; Kel had currently no idea of what she was doing. She was just lying about it.
Months ago, Kel had finally succeeded in getting one of her old friends to hang out with her again, Sunny might’ve been sickly looking and only half there, but she got him outside. Even the mess of the next three days could not take away the pure and utter joy at that fact.
Mess or not, Kel wished to love those three days. She really did.
But… the re-exploring, the recontenting, the air of hope at the collective want of their old joy.
Dashed against the rocks with a single truth.
It’s unfair, Kel knew she was being unfair about a situation which was never going to be anything but unfair. She knew the truth had lifted a weight of everyone’s shoulders that was holding them back from fully healing. She knew they’d be worse off if Sunny hadn’t gathered all his courage and revealed what they needed to know.
Kel couldn’t help but be so, so bitter about the re-opened wounds.
Sunny ended up staying a little longer in Faraway, mainly because he was too hurt to move already. Basil and Aubrey would stay in Faraway for god knows how long and Hero would have stayed for a couple weeks since he refused to leave early. Kel couldn’t stomach looking at any of them. Sunny and Hero had left by now.
It wasn’t that she wanted to ignore them all, avoid them even. To actively go outside town where nobody knew where to look for her. Most days, Kel couldn’t stand being alone, having nobody she knew with her, not speaking a word. But everything coming out of her mouth lately felt like leaden bile. Anything comforting or nice tasting like vomit-induced sugar.
Hero had tried to talk to her, he really did. Hero knew that it was caused by the reveal at the hospital. Hero talked about how he so angry at them, how he wanted to curl up in bed and never wake up, how he felt so light at the knowledge it was nobody’s fault. Kel might never be the brightest, but she knew what Hero was getting at;
“You’re allowed to be upset, but we can move on now!”
But, could they?
Watching her friendgroup fall apart, realizing how shitty she was at keeping new friends, getting berated by Hero in an attempt to alleviate his depression, the knowledge her parents will never care about her like they did Hero or Sally, the glares at best from Aubrey, the fear in Basil’s eyes, Sunny wasting away in stagnation. Her friends had almost died in wanting to shield them from a mistake that hurt them all.
Was it supposed to make her feel better? Knowing that all their suffering was not a side-effect Mari’s choice? Kel knew it was an awful thought, but she wished Mari had actually killed herself. Because at least then the healing process wouldn’t have the curveball which made her get out of the hospital before she said or did something she would regret.
Mari was dead either way. They all grieved either way.
Aubrey was seemingly handling it better then Kel was. At least she’d seen Aubrey hanging out with Basil, Polly confirming the fact it was friendly and helpful to both. Aubrey had also reached out to Kel, and while Kel had forced the issue into the dirt, Aubrey would still make time to share lunch and read comics together. Aubrey had tried to get Kel to talk about what she was feeling but why would she?
Aubrey said she had forgiven them just like that, Hero while quiet had forgiven them just like that. Sunny and Basil kept insisting they didn’t mind either waiting or cut ties which only made Kel feel worse because she wasn’t the only one suffering yet she
just
couldn’t
let
it
go.
The only time Kel had felt like she was home was in the past. When she thought her found family would be forever, when she was loved unconditionally and it felt familiar.
No love without condition felt natural now.
Kel knew not to trust her parents with her problems anymore. She lost acquaintances over trying to get closer. The knowledge that Hero wanted to help but was too distracted or tired most times to be there in ways Kel needed.
She knew she was a lot most of the time. Kel kept her face of sunshine and bro because why would they want her for any other reason? She was brash, emotional, clueless, too loud for her own good, too stupid for her own good. Kel knew if she opened up about her feelings of isolation, her feelings of inadequacy, the feelings that no matter what she would never fit in anywhere in honesty, at best she’d be seen as dramatic.
And why wasn’t she?
Why couldn’t she just suck it up? To try harder being a better friend. To try harder being a decent student. To try harder smothering down the knowledge she wasn’t a guy. To try harder being a person somebody would choose as their priority.
Kel knew she couldn’t, and that might’ve been the worst part.
Sitting in some park in some closeby town, simply looking at the clouds because the sun would blind her. Kel had no clue what to do. Everything pointed that she wasn’t enough, that to enjoy life she needed to accept that this wound will never go away, go back to the friends who will have her and forget she was ever hurt in the first place.
It was days like this that Kel wished suffering had a point.
Rating: Teen
Warning(s): referenced staged-suicide, child neglect
Relationship(s): Kel & the rest of her living old friendgroup.
(additional) Tags: Kel POV, Hurt no Comfort, tons of resentment, grief/mouring, Sunny & Basil are forgiven but not really by Kel(? it's complicated), good-ending of OMORI, trans female Kel, angst.
Word Count: 960 words
Summery: It was days like this that Kel wished suffering had a point.
AO3 echo
Even though she herself said something contracting it; Kel had currently no idea of what she was doing. She was just lying about it.
Months ago, Kel had finally succeeded in getting one of her old friends to hang out with her again, Sunny might’ve been sickly looking and only half there, but she got him outside. Even the mess of the next three days could not take away the pure and utter joy at that fact.
Mess or not, Kel wished to love those three days. She really did.
But… the re-exploring, the recontenting, the air of hope at the collective want of their old joy.
Dashed against the rocks with a single truth.
It’s unfair, Kel knew she was being unfair about a situation which was never going to be anything but unfair. She knew the truth had lifted a weight of everyone’s shoulders that was holding them back from fully healing. She knew they’d be worse off if Sunny hadn’t gathered all his courage and revealed what they needed to know.
Kel couldn’t help but be so, so bitter about the re-opened wounds.
Sunny ended up staying a little longer in Faraway, mainly because he was too hurt to move already. Basil and Aubrey would stay in Faraway for god knows how long and Hero would have stayed for a couple weeks since he refused to leave early. Kel couldn’t stomach looking at any of them. Sunny and Hero had left by now.
It wasn’t that she wanted to ignore them all, avoid them even. To actively go outside town where nobody knew where to look for her. Most days, Kel couldn’t stand being alone, having nobody she knew with her, not speaking a word. But everything coming out of her mouth lately felt like leaden bile. Anything comforting or nice tasting like vomit-induced sugar.
Hero had tried to talk to her, he really did. Hero knew that it was caused by the reveal at the hospital. Hero talked about how he so angry at them, how he wanted to curl up in bed and never wake up, how he felt so light at the knowledge it was nobody’s fault. Kel might never be the brightest, but she knew what Hero was getting at;
“You’re allowed to be upset, but we can move on now!”
But, could they?
Watching her friendgroup fall apart, realizing how shitty she was at keeping new friends, getting berated by Hero in an attempt to alleviate his depression, the knowledge her parents will never care about her like they did Hero or Sally, the glares at best from Aubrey, the fear in Basil’s eyes, Sunny wasting away in stagnation. Her friends had almost died in wanting to shield them from a mistake that hurt them all.
Was it supposed to make her feel better? Knowing that all their suffering was not a side-effect Mari’s choice? Kel knew it was an awful thought, but she wished Mari had actually killed herself. Because at least then the healing process wouldn’t have the curveball which made her get out of the hospital before she said or did something she would regret.
Mari was dead either way. They all grieved either way.
Aubrey was seemingly handling it better then Kel was. At least she’d seen Aubrey hanging out with Basil, Polly confirming the fact it was friendly and helpful to both. Aubrey had also reached out to Kel, and while Kel had forced the issue into the dirt, Aubrey would still make time to share lunch and read comics together. Aubrey had tried to get Kel to talk about what she was feeling but why would she?
Aubrey said she had forgiven them just like that, Hero while quiet had forgiven them just like that. Sunny and Basil kept insisting they didn’t mind either waiting or cut ties which only made Kel feel worse because she wasn’t the only one suffering yet she
just
couldn’t
let
it
go.
The only time Kel had felt like she was home was in the past. When she thought her found family would be forever, when she was loved unconditionally and it felt familiar.
No love without condition felt natural now.
Kel knew not to trust her parents with her problems anymore. She lost acquaintances over trying to get closer. The knowledge that Hero wanted to help but was too distracted or tired most times to be there in ways Kel needed.
She knew she was a lot most of the time. Kel kept her face of sunshine and bro because why would they want her for any other reason? She was brash, emotional, clueless, too loud for her own good, too stupid for her own good. Kel knew if she opened up about her feelings of isolation, her feelings of inadequacy, the feelings that no matter what she would never fit in anywhere in honesty, at best she’d be seen as dramatic.
And why wasn’t she?
Why couldn’t she just suck it up? To try harder being a better friend. To try harder being a decent student. To try harder smothering down the knowledge she wasn’t a guy. To try harder being a person somebody would choose as their priority.
Kel knew she couldn’t, and that might’ve been the worst part.
Sitting in some park in some closeby town, simply looking at the clouds because the sun would blind her. Kel had no clue what to do. Everything pointed that she wasn’t enough, that to enjoy life she needed to accept that this wound will never go away, go back to the friends who will have her and forget she was ever hurt in the first place.
It was days like this that Kel wished suffering had a point.
